Christmas in Australia is a funny thing. Our weather is weirdly out of sync with the way this holiday is supposed to be celebrated. Most of us spend the day wearing ridiculous paper hats, stuffing our faces with tropical fruit and ice cold seafood, followed by swimming or playing backyard cricket. I mean, is a birthday party right? Actually, it ends up being a really secular affair. We’ll just take any excuse we can to get a day off work. As well as all the fun and games, in our isolation Australians have developed some sinister versions of classic Christmas carols. I can remember very clearly my kindegarden Christmas party, where we performed the 12 days of Christmas, and I got to be the lucky midget who shouted “and a kookaburra in a gum tree!” at the end of every line. Awesome!

So I present to you, eight of the very finest in bogan Christmas carols.